Blarney
by Yorkie
Summary: Outers. beware kids shows that go bad


SAILOR MOON, THE SAILOR MOON CHARACTERS AND THEIR RESPECTIVE NAMES

AND LIKENESSES ARE PROPERTY OF TOEI ANIMATION, NAOKO TAKEUCHI/KODANSHA,

DIC AND OTHERS, THEY ARE NOT MINE.

Blarney

By Yorkie

It was Sunday morning, the birds were chirping their little hearts out, the sun was shining brightly as a soft warm breeze blew through the bedroom window.

Michiru opened her deep blue eyes and smiled at the beautiful sight outside.

She rolled over in bed and reached out for…nothing. Her precious blonde darling didn't seem to be on her side of the bed. Michiru looked over at the alarm clock. It was nine o'clock on a Sunday morning and Haruka wasn't in bed? This was a bit perplexing.

The girl sat up and looked at the bathroom door, it was open and unoccupied.

She scowled and grabbed a pillow. Sunday mornings meant love making and lots of it. Certain parts of her body had geared up for it and were not happy at the idea of being shut down.

Michiru sighed and let her mind wander. What could Haruka be doing that was more important than what she should be doing? Perhaps she was making them breakfast in bed?

That seemed unlikely since nothing appeared to be burning downstairs and Hotaru hadn't run past the bedroom door wielding a fire extinguisher and screaming ' _drop and roll!_ ', so that ruled out food.

Haruka dashed into the bedroom. "Oh, you're up." She opened a dresser drawer and started digging through the clothes looking for something.

"You're dressed already?" Michiru noticed the baggy t-shirt and old blue jeans.

"Yes I am."

"Darling," Michiru purred at her. "it's Sunday morning." She patted Haruka's side of the bed. "Isn't there something you'd like to do?"

"Uh huh." She muttered as she continued her search.

"What are you looking for?" Michiru was getting slightly annoyed.

"THIS!" Haruka held up her wallet with a triumphant smile. "I have to buy food."

"Now?" Michiru whined.

"Yeah." Haruka turned to leave.

"Wait!" Michiru dropped the sheet that was covering her naked form exposing her natural assets.

Haruka smiled broadly, her eyes wide. "Impressive!" She turned and ran out the door.

Michiru slumped. "Impressive?" She looked down at herself. "Not impressive enough it seems."

Downstairs Setsuna was sitting in the kitchen having a hot bowl of miso soup. Hotaru was in the living room watching her favorite kids show, Blarney. She could hear the child singing along with the T.V.

Michiru staggered into the kitchen dressed in her fuzzy white robe. She plopped down at the kitchen table with Setsuna.

"Good morning, you're up early for a Sunday." The woman stirred her soup.

"Setsuna, can I get your honest opinion on something?"

"Of course." She smiled at the younger girl. "On what?"

Michiru undid the front of her robe and flashed Setsuna. "Do I look like I'm sagging?"

Setsuna choked on her soup. Haruka came into the kitchen and smiled at the two women.

"Well I'm off to the store."

"Haruka?" Michiru stood up and dropped her robe on the floor. Setsuna rolled her eyes and got up to leave.

Haruka smiled again. "Lovely, yes very nice…I have to go to the store now." The blonde ran out the door.

Michiru's mouth hit the floor; she bent over and retrieved her robe, she slipped into the white fuzzy thing and tied it shut. "Did you see that?" The clearly outraged girl asked Setsuna.

"Yes I did and I tried very hard not to." The dark haired woman put her empty bowl in the sink. "All I can say Michiru is that life with you and Haruka is never boring."

"She rejected me! She rejected _this_ body! Would you reject this body?"

"In a second." Setsuna smiled patiently at the girl. "But then those aren't the kind of attributes that I look for."

Michiru stared at her for a moment then she smiled. "I'm so sorry Setsuna!"

The two women laughed, Michiru sat down in a chair. "I just can't believe that Haruka…"

"You've forgotten what today is haven't you?" Setsuna put on a pot of tea.

"It's Sunday."

Setsuna smiled. "It's a Formula one Sunday."

"Oh it is, I forgot! No wonder she's preoccupied!" Michiru breathed a sigh of relief. "She's going to be glued to the T.V. all day."

Setsuna nodded. "That's why she needs all that junk food she's going to bring back."

"What time do the races start?" The two women walked into the living room.

"Noon." Setsuna answered. The two stopped in their tracks. They were watching what looked like Hotaru having a seizure. She was jumping and twitching all around the room.

"Hotaru!" Michiru gasped.

"What Michiru-mama?" The little girl smiled and kept doing what she was doing.

"Are you alright?" Setsuna stared at her child.

"Yeah!" The little one grinned. "Blarney is teaching us to do the Irish jig!"

"Blarney?" Michiru gave Setsuna a questioning look.

"Blarney is a giant green shamrock that teaches children all about Ireland." Setsuna informed her.

Hotaru nodded. "And he has a leprechaun friend named Iam McDevlish."

Michiru giggled. "Well you enjoy your show Hotaru."

Hotaru smiled. "I will, it's going to be on all day!"

"What?" Michiru smiled at her daughter. "All day?"

"Yeah, it's a Blarney marathon!" She did a few complicated dance steps and bowed.

Setsuna clapped. "Very nice Hotaru."

"Thank you Setsuna-mama." The little girl sat on the couch and watched her show.

Michiru sat down next to her. "Hotaru, you know Haruka-papa always watches Formula One racing."

"I know, that's why I asked Papa last week if I could watch the marathon today. Papa said I could." The little tike said cheerfully.

This didn't seem right to Michiru, Haruka never missed her racing shows. "What was your Haruka-papa doing when you asked?"

"Working on the car."

Michiru looked up at Setsuna. "I'm going to bet that Haruka didn't hear her."

"Probably not." Setsuna agreed.

"I'm back!" Haruka called from the kitchen as she sat bags of junk food on the kitchen table. She rushed into the living room. "Well I've got food for the afternoon."

"Junk food?" Michiru eyed her. "You'll make yourself sick."

Haruka stood over the smaller girl. "It's only ten o'clock; the races don't start until noon." She picked Michiru up and started up the stairs to their room. "I can think of a wonderful way to pass the time."

"Uh, darling…" Michiru said while pulling up her robe so Haruka wouldn't trip and drop her. "where do you intend to watch your show?"

Haruka made it to their bedroom, she gently placed Michiru on the bed. The blonde pulled off her T-shirt and was unbuttoning her jeans.

"Haruka, you didn't answer my question." Michiru eyed her partner as a pair of jeans hit the floor. "Where are you going to watch your show?"

Haruka smiled at her and climbed into bed. "In the living room of course." She started to untie Michiru's robe.

Michiru grabbed Haruka's hands. "Hotaru is going to be watching her show in the living room…all day long."

Haruka scowled. "What?"

"You told her last weekend she could watch her Blarney marathon today. Don't you remember?"

"I remember her asking if she could watch a marathon, I thought she meant then, not today." Haruka sighed. "We have an old T.V. set in the garage, I could bring it into the house." The blonde thought for a moment, she could bring the T.V. into their bedroom.

Junk food on one side of her, gorgeous girlfriend on the other side and F1 racing on the tube…she could eat during the show and make love to Michiru during the commercial breaks…life was wonderful!

Michiru narrowed her eyes. "Don't even think of brining that thing into our room!"

"Huh?" Haruka was sure there were times when Michiru could read her mind. "I would never do that! This room is our haven from the rest of the world, I would never let anything intrude on our time together!"

Michiru glared at her. "Oh yes you would, if you thought you could get away with it!"

"My love!" She clutched on hand to her heart. "I'm wounded!"

Michiru wasn't buying it. "You will be if you bring that television in here!"

"Dearest," Haruka untied the robe and slid it off Michiru's body. "all I want is you and a few hours of passionate love making."

Setsuna sat on the couch reading the news paper. She'd found an advertisement for the local shoe store for seventy five percent off all shoes in stock.

Haruka raced down the stairs and ran into the kitchen. Michiru came down a few minutes later still in her robe, she smiled down at Setsuna. The older woman looked up at the silly grin on Michiru's face. "You love Sunday mornings don't you?"

"I certainly do." The green haired girl agreed.

Haruka ran into the living room. "Does anyone know what happened to that old television in the garage?"

"You mean the one that fell off the shelf and broke?" Setsuna asked.

Haruka sighed. "That would be the one." The girl stared at the television show Blarney and winced.

Setsuna looked up at Michiru. "Michiru, there's a sale at the shoe store today."

"Shoe store?" The girl was staring at the look of pain on Haruka's face.

"Seventy five percent off." Setsuna watched as Michiru's eyes started to sparkle.

"Really?"

Setsuna nodded. "You go upstairs and get cleaned up and I'll take care of Haruka.

"How are you going to take care of her?"

"Just trust me." Setsuna said, she waited until Michiru had gone back upstairs. "Haruka, come with me." She grabbed her lap top and headed for the kitchen.

"What?" Haruka followed after her.

Setsuna set up her lap top on the kitchen table. "The screen may not be as big as the T.V., but you can watch your races in real time on the internet. You'll have junk food and privacy. I doubt Hotaru will bother you while she's watching her show."

Haruka grinned so wide her mouth hurt. "Setsuna you're a life saver!" She grabbed her junk food and sat down at the kitchen table in front of the lap top.

Hours had past, Haruka had finished off a box each of strawberry, chocolate and vanilla pocky and one package of green tea mochi. She was ready to open a bag of garlic chips and her fourth can of ice tea.

Hotaru was clapping along with Iam McDevlish who had instructed the children to watch the pretty circles that were spinning in the middle of their T.V. sets.

"Now me young ones watch the pretty spirals go round and round in the circle. Don't take your wee eyes from it! Now sing along with me…"

Hotaru's dark purple eyes glazed over as she sang the song.

"Blarney loves us, we love him,

we will steal and kill for him,

then we'll skip down to his happy studio

and give Blarney all our dough!"

Haruka didn't notice Hotaru skip through the kitchen and out the back door to the garage.

She was too involved with the races to notice the tike with the crow bar come up behind her.

"Blarney loves us, we love him, we will steal and kill for him…" Hotaru brought the crow bar down right next to the lap top. "then we'll skip down to his happy studio and give Blarney all our dough!"

Haruka's eyes went wide, she watched as Hotaru raised the crow bar and prepared to strike again. "What are you doing?" Haruka grabbed the crow bar from the child's hand.

Hotaru kept singing and stomped hard on Haruka's foot. When the blonde bent over to grab her foot, Hotaru grabbed the lap top from the table and bashed her Papa over the head with it. "And give Blarney all our dough!" She sang as she grabbed one of the kitchen chairs.

Haruka was on her feet now, she grabbed the chair from her daughter. "Stop it Hotaru!"

Hotaru stomped on Haruka's other foot, she kept singing as she grabbed another kitchen chair.

"STOP IT!" Haruka was getting very angry with her naughty child. "Why are you doing this?"

Big glazed purple eyes stared blindly at Haruka. "Blarney loves us, we love him, we will steal and kill for him, then we'll skip down to his happy studio and give Blarney all our dough!"

Haruka knelt down in front of her child and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Snap out of it Hotaru!" She shook her hard trying to free her from her trance. Hotaru kept on singing.

Finally the blonde slapped her hard across the face. The child gasped, her eyes became normal again. The little girl put her hand to her cheek and broke into tears. "Papa, you hit me!" Huge crocodile tears fell from the tiny girl's eyes. "You hit me! Wait till I tell Michiru-mama you hit me! Then you'll be sorry!" 

Haruka pulled her child into her arms. "Hotaru I'm so sorry." The little girl had stopped crying, her Papa held her at arms length. Dark purple eyes had glazed over again. "Hotaru, snap out of it!" The tiny tot pushed Haruka away and ran into the living room. She stared at the swirling television screen for a moment and began singing again.

"Hotaru!" Haruka stood in the living room with only the couch between herself and her

more than slightly possessed daughter. "Snap out of it Hotaru!"

The girl turned to face her parent, her eyes were still glazed over, her henshin was in her tiny hand. "Saturn planet power…"

"Oh hell no!" Haruka dove over the couch and grabbed at Hotaru.

The girl stepped back a few paces. "Make up!"

"Damn!" Haruka cursed as she watched Sailor Saturn appear, her dark purple eyes were still glazed over. The blonde woman ducked fast as a very sharp glaive sliced the air over her head.

"Now me faithful wee ones, you must obey Blarney." The fiend Iam McDevlish

instructed his minions. "Kill your parents! They don't really love you, the only one

who truly does is Blarney! They leave you for hours in front of the television so they can get away from you! Only Blarney keeps you happy for hours on end!"

"You lying little bastard!" Haruka growled at the T.V. screen. "Don't listen to him

Saturn!"

"Kill the nasty beasties now and bring all their money and credit cards to Blarney!"

The leprechaun danced about merrily. "Don't forget their jewelry and fancy expensive things too!"

"Now Saturn, listen to me…" Haruka stood up carefully and stumbled over the couch.

Saturn swiped at the blonde with her glaive again narrowly missing her. "you don't want to do this. You know I love you more than that actor in the green shamrock costume!"

Saturn scowled at her. "Blarney loves us, we love him, we will steal…"

"Go to your room!" The words got a visible reaction from Saturn, the girl's eyes went wide and clear.

"Papa." She blinked a few times and held her head.

The damn leprechaun egged the children on again. "Blarney loves you!"

"YES!" Saturn's eyes glazed over again. "Blarney loves me!"

"I love you more than racing!" Haruka yelled over the television.

"Liar!" The glaive made another near miss. Saturn backed towards the front door.

"Must give things to Blarney! Must make Blarney happy!" The senshi of destruction ran out the front door.

"SATURN!" Haruka ran out after her. She stopped on the front lawn, her jaw dropped.

Children from all over their neighborhood were chasing their Fathers with a strange variety of weapons. They had kitchen knives, baseball bats, hockey sticks and one truly disturbed little girl was running after her Father with what had to be her Mother's hair dryer. She was yelling "Zap zap!" as though it was some sort of space gun.

One Father stopped and pointed at Haruka. "She's the only woman not at the shoe sale!"

All the men stopped and pointed at the tall blonde. "She's the one manipulating the children!"

Fathers turned on their children knocking them down and taking their weapons. They turned their united attention on Haruka. They chased her with kitchen knives, baseball bats, hockey sticks and one hair dryer that went zap zap!

Haruka hopped into her car and pulled out at full speed. She was a few blocks away when she felt something cold and sharp pressing against the back of her neck. She looked in the mirror and saw Saturn in the back seat, the senshi was holding her blade against Haruka's neck. "Drive to the studio." The possessed girl said in an ominous voice. "Blarney is going to love this car!"

Setsuna and Michiru were walking home loaded down with shoe boxes. They'd had a very good shopping day. The two women noticed the strange behavior going on around them. Men being chased by their children, a few men chasing their children. One little girl ran up to the pair and zapped them with a hairdryer.

Michiru smiled at the tot. "Little girl does your Mother know you're playing with her hair dryer?"

"Huh?" The little girl laughed nervously and hid the hair dryer behind her back. "Excuse me!" She ran into her house at top speed.

A few men ran at the two women wielding kitchen knives. Setsuna and Michiru shook their heads. "Do your wives know you're playing with their kitchen cutlery?" Setsuna asked.

The men stared at each other and at the knives in their hands. They looked at the two girls and slowly backed towards their houses. "You'll be in trouble if your wives get home and find those knives out of place." Michiru warned them.

The two women shrugged and walked into their own home. "We're home!" Michiru called out, there was no answer. "Haruka, Hotaru?" There was no reply.

"Michiru, come look at this." Setsuna called from the living room.

The two women stood in front of the television watching Blarney. Iam McDevlish was jumping about in pure glee. "Look what these good wee ones have brought for Blarney."

He stood in front of Sailor Saturn. "And what have ye got there for Blarney? It's the biggest can opener I've ever seen!"

Saturn's eyes were glazed over. "It's a glaive."

"A what?" The little fiend asked.

"A glaive." Saturn repeated.

"Uh…okay." Iam McDevlish jumped about. "what else have you brought Blarney."

"A yellow convertible." Saturn said.

"You're not giving my car to that damned thing!" Haruka shouted from somewhere behind the T.V. cameras.

Setsuna and Michiru nodded at each other.

"Pluto planet power make up!"

"Neptune planet power make up!"

The two senshi ran out the front door and headed for the television studio.

Tiny hands were holding Haruka down, she couldn't fight against children.

"You're all going to be grounded by your Mothers for this!"

A giant green shamrock stood over Haruka. "You underestimate these good children.

They love me, they live for me! They'd sell their souls to watch reruns of my show!"

"You're a sick demented person you know that?" Haruka snarled. "You hide behind children you coward!"

"Children's shows are pure and innocent and should never be used for evil! We cannot allow you to turn these kids against their parents! In the name of the moon…I'll punish you!" Sailor Moon finished her intro.

Haruka's mouth dropped, for no apparent reason the Sailor team had decided to make an entrance.

The blonde sighed, the day had gone from bad to worse.

Sailor Venus ran over to Haruka, she had thought of the best way to get the children off the blonde. "Look kids over there…kitty cats!"

Luna and Artemis both gasped at the wall of possessed children running at them chanting, "Kitty cats, kitty cats!" The two guardians turned tail and ran out of the studio at full speed.

Haruka stood up and pulled out her henshin wand. "Uranus planet power make up!"

Sailors Pluto and Neptune had arrived. "Who am I aiming for?" Neptune asked Sailor Mercury.

"The big green shamrock!" The water senshi replied.

Blarney gasped. "Children, protect Blarney from the badly dressed girl with the spinach coloured hair!"

"Spinach?" Sailor Neptune's eyes narrowed. "Deep Submerge!" She lugged a water ball at the evil lawn greenery.

"World shaking!" Uranus launched her attack.

"Dead scream!" Pluto followed with her attack.

Blarney exploded into thousands of tiny shamrocks that screamed and ran outside the studio door. The outer senshi ran after him. Sailor Saturn remained, she grinned evilly at Iam McDevlish. "It's a glaive, let me show you how it works!" She sliced the terrible leprechaun in half, he let out a screech and vanished in a puff of smoke.

Sailors Mars and Jupiter were waiting outside when the shamrocks ran out. "Mars flame sniper!" Mars scorched the nasty plants. "Sailor Moon!" She shouted.

Sailor Moon twisted, turned, spun in circles and never once fell, which was quite impossible for her to do if she were not transformed. "Moon spiral heart attack!" Thousands of high pitched tiny voices shouted _Lovley!_ and vanished.

Haruka stared at Hotaru in the rear view mirror as she drove home.

"I'm sorry Papa!" Hotaru apologized.

"You're going to clean up the mess you made in the kitchen when we get home." Haruka said to the girl.

"Haruka, it wasn't her fault." Setsuna sat in the backseat with Hotaru. "You're not to blame Hotaru." The woman smiled at her child.

Haruka scoffed. "She broke your lap top."

"You did what?" Setsuna glared at the child. Hotaru lowered her eyes and sighed.

Michiru was muttering under her breath. "My hair is not spinach green, it's aqua, stupid shamrock."


End file.
